Regrets
by Phylogies
Summary: Rin comes to Sesshōmaru after a night she regrets.


He had been up early, since the sun began to pour through the windows and the birds began their morning song. He had awoken to work, to pour over scrolls and twiddle his thumbs as he debated signing a trade treaty of some sort with some lord. It was tedious work, but he had run from it for so many years, that finally he just had to throw his hands up and delve into the sky-high pile on his too small desk.

It seemed like an average morning though, like any other where he worked and worked and failed to come up with ways that would allow him to return to his vagabond nature.

But it was different though. There were three, light rasps on his study door, drawing him from his papers. That was atypical. He got up early before everyone else of importance because he knew would be uninterrupted in his work that way. His mother didn't rise 'til noon, as did many others. Or, if they were awake before noon, they remained in their chambers and did whatever they did. No one bothered him before noon, which was the point. Someone was bothering him though, and when he smelled the air, he realized it was Rin.

"Come in," he called from his desk, his steady, stoic voice carrying to the teenage girl outside the door. She pulled it open and pulled it shut behind her before she approached his desk. Her cheeks and nose were red, her eyes puffy. She appeared to have been crying, though why he couldn't pinpoint.

He was angry. If someone had laid a hand on Rin, than they had just asked for death. No one hurt, no one upset, and no one made her cry. Whoever had done this was going to die, he was certain of that, but that would have to wait until later as currently the girl he would be avenging stood before him in her time of need and because she was Rin, he would be there.

"I did something last night," she murmured, staring her clasped hands as she stood before his desk, "that I regret. I can't take it back, and I don't know what I should do now. I know it was mistake, but it's a _big_ mistake. It has been eating me since it happened."

His golden eyes watched her with concern. The explanation was vague, obviously because she did not wish to reveal the mistake but she wanted his help.

"Sit down," he ordered, though in the most comforting way possible. She sat, still looking at her hands as she played with the threads of her kimono.

"I've always hated such long and heavy kimonos," she says in wry amusement. He sighs, pushing the papers and ink aside so he can rest his hands on the desk. Obviously she needed his full attention.

"That is not why you're here though," he reminded her. "You're here because you did something you regret and you've turned to me for help. I am not good at comforting others, but I will listen and I will try. I will not judge you, so please tell me what you did."

Rin broke down into tears and his heart nearly broke.

"I…" she paused, biting her swollen and bleeding lip. It was that way because she had been biting it so much, obviously. "I lost my virginity," she admitted dully.

He sighed.

The day had come. He knew when Rin had become his daughter of sorts, the day would come when she fall in love and she would marry. That was obviously not the case here, but what was happening here had enough similarities. He really didn't know how to proceed. Sesshōmaru had never had any sisters, he had never seen anyone deal with this and men didn't because of double standards. He didn't know how to proceed, but he would try for her sake.

"To whom?" he finally asked.

"I don't know. I was hanging out with some of the soldiers last night, and we were drinking." She paused. "I know I shouldn't have done that either," she quickly mumbled.

"But you did," he plainly stated.

"I did, can't take it back." She paused to sigh, gathering her strength. "In any case, I drank a lot, and so did they, and one of them started kissing me and next thing I know I'm naked in a man's bed and…" her voice cracked "and I'm not a virgin which means no man would ever want me as a wife," her voice rose an octave "and people will see me as a whore and loose and that I'm worthless…" And the tears flowed like wine.

When she dried the last one and looked to him pleadingly, he sighed again.

"I do not hate you; I do not see you as worthless or loose or as whore. I think you'll be a perfect wife one day, if that is what you so choose, and that while it was a dumb mistake, you were intoxicated so you should not be held accountable for losing your virginity. Getting drunk with them is the only I think I would be remotely mad you about, and only if that was because they didn't pressure you into it." He paused to smell the air and noted with happiness that she was having a positive reaction to his words. "I will find the men that got you drunk, and they will all be punished."

"Don't hurt them," she blurted out. How characteristic.

"They will be suspended and demoted to manual labor as servants around the house, and their wages shall be cut in half," he offered instead.

"Okay," she conceded.

"Now do you understand? I do not blame and I do not hate you. You are partly wrong but not because you had sex. They are more wrong than you will ever be, and completely responsible for the loss of your virginity. Do not blame yourself and do not hate yourself because of it. It was a mistake, as you said you cannot take it back, but embrace it and tell yourself that anyone who looks down upon me because of this is a fool and they are not worth your time. Any man who will not marry you because of this, you would not want as your husband anyway, and any person who calls you a whore or loose, you never wanted the opinions of anyway."

She took a deep breath, her hands shaky as a small smile tugged at her lips. Then the smile fell and he could see something else is wrong.

"What if I get pregnant?"

He sighed. This was a very sigh-worthy predicament.

"If you get pregnant, then we will deal with it. We don't know until it happens, and it might not happen."

The smile returned.

"Now, I want you to go get some sleep because you're obviously tired and stressed. Sleep and relax and everything will be fine."

"Thank you my lord," she said as she smiled brightly at him. She stood and threw her arms around his neck before leaving the room.

When it was over and done with, Sesshōmaru leaned back against the ground. He just hoped she didn't get pregnant because he had no idea how he would deal with that one.


End file.
